A catch up, a cuppa and why should size matter?

Hi all, I started my blog way back pre-pandemic...do you remember that time? Yeah, I know it seems like we’ve all been in this current situation for many years now! It has been incredibly hard for the majority and I know I’m personally very grateful to all those people who have worked endlessly to bring us a vaccine and an opportunity out of this crazy way of life.

I have been missing catching up with my knitting and spinning buddies, and going for a cup of tea with friends. It‘s the little things in life that have been very much missed and maybe we will be a lot more grateful as a society when we are freed from our homes.

So, I have been working from home and as a teacher for A level students it has been a weird experience. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be teaching over the internet and having to see myself on screen everyday, however this has had an interesting impact on how I how I see myself. I have always avoided mirrors, shop windows etc... You know, when you leave the house thinking you look fab and then you catch sight of your reflection in the shop window which leaves you wanting to run back home and under the duvet! Well that has always been me! Until recently.

So how or what has changed for me? I have never been a fast fashion girl, there are items in my wardrobe since the 90’s....ok, I don’t still fit into them and I don’t wear them, but I can’t bear to get rid of them just encase I lose weight. I love them and they are good quality. That’s the thing, I am by no means a skinny person, and never thought I was until I look back on old photos! They always seem to surprise me! ‘Did I really look like that? Oh, I wasn’t that bad!’ - If only I thought that at the time! I am now reaching my 49th birthday and finally I starting to think... I‘m ok, you know!

The answer I think is instagram! We talk about how much damage social media can do to people, however used in the right context, it’s extremely empowering! Having recently been introduced to the sewing community via my sister (check out her sewing stuff, I know I’m biased, but seriously...it’s GOOD! @whatnaomimade) I am seeing people of all shapes and sizes and for the first time in my life I feel, well, normal! We have been so conditioned to believe that if we are not a particular size we are not ok and that we’re outsiders!

I hate clothes shopping! I don’t go shopping for enjoyment, only when I really need something and that just fills me with self loathing and misery; the ironly is, I love clothes, and you would never think it to look at me! The reason... I don’t fit into the clothes I like and those on the high street, I couldn’t make my own clothes because they, too, did not come in my size! So, I return to why there are so many clothes in my wardrobe that I can’t wear or are so old, FEAR! Fear that I will not find something I will like, fear that I won’t find something comfortable. For a long time I dread been asked out on a evening out, because this results in the problem of having to find something to wear, something that I like, feel comfortable in and confident. Well normally I have to make do with one of these things and normally it is something that fits, not something I like or feel confident in! For so long, I have been excluded from the world of fashion, from buying clothes, from feeling good, from feeling good about myself. This is not exceptable and I know I am far from being the only person who feels like this!

But it is the little things that make the biggest differences to our lives and with small changes become big ones and soon a movement and shift in attitudes change things for the better. I am currently learning to make my own clothes, so many wonderful, new, independent designers are becoming more inclsuive of all people. Knitting patterns are really starting to change and become inclusive and it is wonderful! I can now buy a knitting pattern and chose my size and then knit it... no more having to try and scale it up (which I am not good at!) or just sticking to making shawls and socks! The most awesome moment I have experienced in the knitting comminity recently happened when I went to purchase my #sorrel pattern. I’m sure if you are a knitter you have seen @wool.and.pine.designs, the most stunning patterns and such easy instructions to follow; if you haven’t you really need to check them out! When I went to purchase my pattern, I was just so happy to see a woman who was around the same size as me wearing the jumper I wanted to make! I didn’t have to go searching in projects to see other people like me, to get an idea how it would fit my shape! Second picture in the main photos and to top it off these photos also had peoples measurements. There was no shaming people, no dismissing anyone, just expectance of all people. So refreshing and made me feel valued and excepted.

I feel, and I hope I am right that there is a revolution coming, the turning point of change in how body size and shape are viewed negatively if you are different to what is seen to be the norm... (Did you see how I do not talk about PLUS size... that is a conversation for another day... but one I really have a major issue with). This issue still has a long long way to go and I still hear scary things from my young students about how you can find out if you’re skinny enough! Seriously this is for another blog, but it is scary beyond belief. But hopefully things will change and some day young people will not have to spend their life’s feeling inadequate.